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| I know I should stop updating every few months with the same thing saying, "I really should update this more often." But..well, I should. Nonetheless, I just have so many different journals that it's hard to keep track, and keep every part of my life together on just one.
But for now, let's just live in the present.
It's 12:28am right now, and I've just finished watching two Junjou Romantica episodes. (The last two..but in reverse order.) I already finished watching the series this past summer, but I recently, I wanted to re-watch some episodes. I just LOVE the romance genre, and yaoi is no exception.
Especially those yaoi anime (well, in all honesty, I haven't watch that many) where the episode is something really touching. Romantic moments just make my heart skip so many beats at once that it forgets to beat. (Okay, not really. I'm still alive.) But I mean, the episodes that are the most romantic, they're just the most enjoyable to watch. Even Sensitive Pornograph. All my friends loved the second story, while I liked the first one because of it's sweet plot line.
When I'm watching Junjou Romantica (or any other romantic comedy for that matter), I get filled with hope that there really is a fairytale story for me. Even though I've had such bad luck in the dating field (I've actually never had a relationship), and get down many times with self-pity of never being able to find the perfect person, I still feel enlightened when I watch these type of things. (Not just watching, reading, too.)
I love the story lines, the words spoken, the tension, the make up, and the all around loving. It gives someone who has yet to be tainted by love, an innocent view of an unexplored land. I've yet to feel the pain of the fishhook in the eye. (It's a line from a poem, I believe? My English Lit teacher told us about it, and I heard it somewhere else before. "Love is like a fishhook in th eye.") So many of my friends said that when you're dating, it's all so nice and stuff. But when you break up, you just feel hurt, pained, and depressed. (Of course not everyone's like that, for both parts. Some people have horrible relationships, while others feel no pain when they break up.) Even after hearing bad things from people, I still want to explore this alien world. I want to know what it feels like to just sit with the person, and do nothing but cuddle and take in each other's presence. I want to know what it's like to enjoy nothing but the smell of their being. Them. I want to know what it's like to be embraced (or to embrace), and just be swept away by a passionate kiss. I want to know what love is really, truly like.
Unfortunately, I'm one of the most unluckiest persons in love. Not only have I never gotten ANYWHERE close to being in a relationship, as you've read above, I'm one of those people who actually WANT to have a relationship. (I mean, I've got some friends who are still single, but they don't mind, cuz they don't care about that stuff.) Many people have told me that if I wait long enough, the right person'll come. But it's not like I can wait forever! I mean, I'm not hoping to meet the PERFECT person on my first try. (When I was in grade 8, one of my classmates from elementary school got a boyfriend. They dated, with no break ups, all the way through high school!) I'm just saying, if I can even find at least one decent person who I like and who likes me back to even have a relationship for a year or so, I'd be happy to at least know what I'm missing, so I can actually say things like, "I know what you mean" as opposed to "I'm not one to talk". It might be stupid and selfish to want it, though. Except, I wouldn't want some random person who I don't really have any commonalities with, nor would I want someone who, if we broke up, would ruin not just our friendship, but would make other friendships (with out friends) awkward and weird.
Anyway, that was just a little rant. I have no one else to talk this out with, and it's kind of pathetic if I just write it out in my journal to myself. All these feelings (though personal) are still things I want to share with a friend or something. (Too a majority of my friends I'd either not feel SUPER comfortable talking about it with them or they're not the type of people you'd talk about this with.)
But yeah.
That's all. I have to sleep. Don't want to be late waking up tomorrow! | | |
| Well...
I don't have anything to do today.
EXCEPT WATCH THE BEN 10 MARATHON ON TV! So yeah, I'll be sitting in my room, watching TV with the laptop on ALL DAY. Which means that during commercial breaks, I'll be bored as heck.
And well, I guess I should update this more often anyway.
I SHOULD start getting it together with my online journals. I know I've said it before, but I should figure out what to post in each journal. So far, I have one on DA, Xanga, LJ, Facebook, and my personal hand-written journal. But now I have another one. I've started to type things on Microsoft Word, cuz I get too lazy to write too much.
I guess things on DA should be related to DA in one way or another, like when I'll be away, and what not.
I should probably keep all regular journal stuff on Xanga.
Live Journal..it can be used for my poems and prose and whatnot. (That I want to share, heh. I'm not gonna share EVERYTHING.)
And Facebook will DEFINITELY be limited. (I've got people on there that I believe should have limited information about me.)
So...I guess with that all out of the way, I can start my new age of online journal entry-ing!
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| Okay, a lot has happened since the last time I
posted something here.
I'll try and sum things up. If you're really DESPERATELY interested in knowing
EXACTLY what has happened to me, you can check my journal entries on my DeviantArt page. But for now, I'll
just keep up with what I'm feeling right now. (Hm...I just realized I forgot to
update something on my DA page. Heh, I should start organizing how I'm posting
my stuff.)
But as for the whole technology thing...
I have two computers, I guess: one desktop, and one laptop.
My desktop computer: I find that the internet on there is slower as of late. But the main part of it that hates me is that lately, whenever I try to play music on it while I'm playing a game or something, it freezes up. And that's a big problem for me, because I ALWAYS listen to music on there. My favourite program to use is Windows Media Player. (I could use iTunes, I tried it last night, but it was annoying, because I dislike how they fade songs. I'm just more used to WMP.) Anyway, WMP would freeze up after one song. And I can't go in Library and whatnot.
Oh well. =_=;
(I guess I'll have to learn to stick with iTunes, wait for it to get better, or just deal with having to hook up speakers to my iPod.)
My laptop: I like to play games like Minesweeper Flag and Solitaire (the default games on windows), but when I do, the box is too small because of the screen size. So what I do is, I change the screen resolution to a smaller one like 800x600. I did that last night, but then changed it back to it's original size. However when I turned on my laptop this morning, it was back to 800x600, and when I went to change it back to the regular size, I no longer had that option. I have no clue how that works! My laptop screen is wider, so everything looks fat right now. And the only other option is 1024x768.
Another thing that's messed up on my laptop between last night and today is when I try to shut down. I'd press start then shut down, then I'd have options. My options were things like: Shut Down, Restart, Standby and Hibernate. Now I only have: Shut Down and Restart. It's not that big of a deal, but it's still annoying!
Ah!
Oh well, wish me the best with my technology problems. =_=;;
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| (Before I start, ChobiMM3, I'll reply your comment from before sometime soon. Sorry, it's been a while. Exams and whatnot...actually. I'm just really lazy.)
Well, I'm in a dilemma...a PERSONAL dilemma.
Okay, let me lay out for you. I have facebook, right? (Most everyone does now.) And then I find out this girl at my school is a...friend of Dorothy's. (Which is weird that I didn't know. We've been in the same grade together since gr 8..and everyone else seemed to know..) Anyway...she's not my friend or anything, we've never even had class together. But I've seen her in the halls, and she's friends with my...extended friends (like people who are kind of your friends..people you'd just say, "Hi" when passing, or sit beside on the bus if you saw them)..and the only time I "kinda" had contact with her was in gr 7 when my school played volleyball against hers, and then later that same grade during basketball season.
Anyway...maybe I should get back to that facebook thing.
I don't want to be a stalker..but I searched this girl up on facebook. She has one. Lately I've been going to her profile page a lot...which makes me feel weird, cuz it's all stalker-y and whatnot. But she's like this really hardcore-looking punk. She's got loads of piercings and stuff. (I don't know..is that punk?) Anyway, she's really quite different than me. But she does have friends who are pretty girly (granted..they were in elementary school together). ANYWAY...what I'm trying to get out is: Should I add her to my friends list on facebook or not?
I mean..I don't even think she knows who I am. I've never said anything to her, and as I said before, I've never had class with her. (Gosh! It sounds like I like her or something..but I don't like her that way. No.) But I do know this. I've always wanted to know KNOW her, not just know OF her. Like be her friend or something. I've wanted to since like grade 8. Cuz she seems pretty cool and whatnot. But I'm not. (Cool that is.) I'm like a pervy dweeb who hangs out with...other people.
She's not even one of those people who I might know because the people I hang out with hang out with people she hangs out with. No. My group and her group are totally different.
(And...I'm posting this here on Xanga because no one who knows me IRL or knows her will read it. Ha ha!)
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| This is a comment I left on ChobiMM3's Xanga.
[Here's the blog entry I commented on.]
I was too lazy to re-type something here, so yeah. Here. (The comment's long enough, anyway.)
Your Xanga looks so different now. (Duh, cuz it is!) It's screwed up at
the top... (Just so you know..but I'm sure you already do.)
Anyway,
When I got the Xanga subscription of this blog entry from you a while
back, I saved it...until now. The reason? Well..I wanted to check out
Strawberry Panic then tell you what I thought of it. (Because I know
you're REALLY interested to read my thoughts, ha ha!) Actually, I knew
about Strawberry Panic before reading looking at your entry (sorry..I
don't usually read your entires...they're really long. @_@;; ) because
I saw it on gomanga.com . I wanted to read it then, but was too lazy to
find it. Then when I saw your Xanga entry I was like, "WHOA! ANIME?"
But what happens next is not what you think. I DIDN'T go check it out
on youtube or something after looking at your entry. No. I was too lazy.
So...just
to make the story longer: How did I end up watching it? Well, I was
searching up some yuri pictures on the internet (cuz I was feeling both
pervy and in a "I want to see yuri" mood.) Some link brought me to
youtube cuz some people made slideshows with yuri pictures. From there
I clicked "related videos" links and ended up watching a Strawberry
Panic AMV. Didn't realize it was one cuz it didn't say in the title,
and I had obviously never read or watched it before. I realized at the
end, cuz the characters looked familiar (it's been on the front page of
gomanga.com for quite some time) so, I ended up confirming it was
Strawberry Panic in that AMV. (I finished watching the AMV, and it said
there.)
Anyway, (yeah, it's a long story, cuz I love boring
people that way), while I was watching the AMV, I remember (Oh, it was
a Shizuma x Nagisa AMV) thinking, "Damn! That chick with the white hair
is to amazing! I wish some girl like that'd sweep me away!" So..that's
how I started watching Strawberry Panic...the anime.
If I recall
correctly, I finished it in less than a week. I lost loads of sleep. I
bugged my friends at school about it. (They're into yaoi, but not the
other.) I was giddy. But I was also sad (after the sad episodes). And
yeah, I know that feeling you were talking about. Like finished
watching a good drama or show. It's over, and you're happy and content,
but also sad and a little empty hearted.
Now, (to make the reply
even LONGER), I went to this comic store I usually go to, to find the
manga. But the dude's like, "Seven Seas is bull." (Well, he didn't say
it like that, but he didn't have Strawberry panic, and said that he'd
try to get it for me.) I couldn't wait to get it. But this weekend, I
went to hang with my friends where they live, and I went to a Sakura
Media in one of their city's many malls and I found it! So I bought the
manga. Started it last night (I went there yesterday) and finished it
this morning.
Oh! After watching the anime, though (I finished
the anime before getting the manga..so I'm not chronological right
now), I finally decided what i want to cosplay as for my city's
convention. At the beginning of the anime, I wanted to be Shizuma. Now
I still do, but I also might want to be Kaori. If I did Shizuma, I was
thinking I'd do the fall/winter uniform one day, the spring/summer one
another, and the one from the play (I can't remember the character's
name, but from the play: Carmen) the last day. (But that'd be 3x the
work.)
For the characters...(yes, I'm still typing, ha ha!)
Well, I read what you typed in your blog (yeap, that's right! I read
your whole blog!). I have to say that my favourite pairing is Amane x
Hikari. I don't mind Shizuma x Nagisa, but to me, Shizuma is better
with Kaori. I didn't mind Nagisa, but from the beginning, I just didn't
like her that much. She was okay every now and then. (Sorry if you like
her.) I felt bad for Yaya-chan, though. And yeah, I kinda felt bad for
Tamao-chan as well. (I know you don't like her, ha ha.)
But
after reading the manga, and while reading it, I thought, "Wow, this is
going by so fast!" Because what happened in the manga only occurred
roughly in one day. (Well, the part where Nagisa and Shizuma are
hanging out and the Student Council meeting.) But the manga is
definitely more...happy..or amusing than the anime. I mean..like..in
one part, Shizuma has this amusing face one where she's like, "YOUR
Nagisa?" to Tamao. But I do seem to like Nagisa more in the manga than
the anime. The character chances totally threw me off! (And for the
copy I have, I found a printing error at the back.)
Yeah, I
think that's all for now. I'm going to copy and past this into my blog,
because it's almost a blog entry, and I'd rather not lose all this
typing. Ha ha! Sorry it's so long!
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